Researchers Discover the Nearly Perfect Diet: Beer, Pizza, and Coffee

(Keywords: humor, news, humor, Wisco is not a health professional - so a diet rich in beer, pizza, and coffee is not recommended)

I knew that if I kept blogging long enough, I'd get around to writing about news that had nothing to do with politics. From this day forward, let June 13 be known as 'Vice Day'. Two stories that go so well together, you have to wonder at the beauty of the coincidence. The first comes from Associated Press:

For many men, a finding by Oregon researchers sounds too good to be true: an ingredient in beer seems to help prevent prostate cancer, at least in lab experiments.

The trouble is you'd theoretically have to drink about 17 beers a day for any potential benefit. And no one's advising that.

Researchers at Oregon State University say that the compound xanthohumol, found in hops, inhibits a protein in the cells along the surface of the prostate gland. The protein acts like a switch that turns on a variety of cancers, including prostate cancer.

Dr. Richard N. Atkins, CEO of the National Prostate Cancer Coalition, said the experiments are encouraging and "perhaps men could take it in pill form someday."

He noted an ingredient in tomatoes, lycopene, has previously been linked to prostate cancer prevention.

"It's every man's dream to hear that beer and pizza can prevent cancer," he said. "However, the 17 beers and four large pizzas needed to get enough xanthohumol and lycopene to help prevent prostate cancer is unfortunately not advised."

While the obesity from four pizzas a day is still a problem, other researchers with the Archives of Internal Medicine have taken care of the 17 beers a day. From Best Syndication:

Drinking coffee may reduce the risk of developing cirrhosis of the liver, according to an article in the June12 issue of Archives of Internal Medicine, one of the JAMA/Archives journals. Cirrhosis progressively replaces healthy liver tissue with scar tissue, and can be brought on by excessive alcohol consumption.

Other factors may play a role in determining who gets cirrhosis including genetics, diet and nutrition, smoking and the interaction of alcohol with other toxins that damage the liver. Hepatitis C can also cause cirrhosis, but heavy alcohol consumption is the primary cause in developed countries.

[...]

There were 330 participants [in the study] diagnosed with cirrhosis by the end of 2001. Of those, 199 were caused by alcohol. The researchers found that for each cup of coffee they drank per day, participants were 22 percent less likely to develop alcoholic cirrhosis. Also, drinking coffee was associated with a slight reduction in risk for other types of cirrhosis.

Not only does this take care of the liver damage that 17 beers a day would cause, but it would also take care of the problem of falling asleep on the toilet with your pants around your ankles that 17 beers a day would cause.

In fact, if you made a coffee beer, you'd get both in one shot. You'd be a millionare... Um, forget I said anything, I've got to come up with a stout recipe.

--Wisco

(Public domain photo from PDPhoto.org)