If you've got TIVO, you might want to record tonight's Tonight Show. If you don't, like me, you may want to skip Letterman for Jay Leno. CNN reports:
"Tonight" host Jay Leno might want to consider wearing referee stripes on Wednesday's show when Ann Coulter and George Carlin are his guests.
Coulter, the acid-tongued conservative with a new book out, and Carlin, the quick-witted, antiestablishment comedian who's in the voice cast for the new animated film "Cars," were booked at separate times for the NBC late-nighter, a spokeswoman said Monday.
But the duo's meeting could produce serious fireworks for "Tonight," which usually limits its political fodder to Leno's bipartisan monologue jokes.
Coulter always claims that she's a comedian or satirist - like she's a freakin' Mark Twain or Will Rogers - but Carlin has the advantage of actually being funny. Consider the kneeslapping hilarity of these Coulter quotes:
My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building.
Whether they are defending the Soviet Union or bleating for Saddam Hussein, liberals are always against America. They are either traitors or idiots, and on the matter of America's self-preservation, the difference is irrelevant.
It's far preferable to fight [terrorists] in the streets of Baghdad than in the streets of New York (where the residents would immediately surrender). [Remember the World Trade Center Ann?]
Pretty hilarious, huh? Now let's look at Carlin:
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
And, as I've mentioned before, Coulter's about as sharp as a sack of wet feathers. In a battle of wits, the quick-witted Carlin would slaughter the witless Coulter.
Maybe this is just PR to drum up an audience for the Tonight Show, but I plan to watch anyway. Here's hoping Annie humiliates herself.
Update: No Carlin/Coulter fireworks, but the show wasn't without anti-Coulter elements. When Coulter's segment ended, George Carlin blew into his hands and rubbed them together as the camera panned and zoomed out, with an expression on his face that suggested he got a chill sitting next to a cold bitch.
Musical guest KT Tunstall had the message, "THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS" taped to her guitar and she pounded the words several times before beginning her song.
All in all, I guess it's what I should've expected. Carlin was on to hawk the movie "Cars". It's Coulter who's a controversy vampire and a phoney, while Carlin is a real critic of modern society - not a tool who humps made up crises.
Still, switching to Leno for the night wasn't a total loss. Carlin did an awesome modern hipster rap worthy of beatnik spoken word artist Lord Buckley. It was seriously beautiful and Carlin delivered it flawlessly. That alone made it worth my time.