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Saturday, August 05, 2006

Dr. Phil has Nothing on Bill O'Reilly

Technorati tags: , , , knows what the ladies like...

A Media Matters story about Bill O'Reilly caught my attention. Here's their transcript of the offending comment.

So anyway, these two girls come in from the suburbs and they get bombed, and their car is towed because they're moronic girls and, you know, they don't have a car. So they're standing there in the middle of the night with no car. And then they separate because they're drunk. They separate, which you never do. All right.

Now Moore, Jennifer Moore, 18, on her way to college. She was 5-foot-2, 105 pounds, wearing a miniskirt and a halter top with a bare midriff. Now, again, there you go. So every predator in the world is gonna pick that up at two in the morning. She's walking by herself on the West Side Highway, and she gets picked up by a thug. All right. Now she's out of her mind, drunk.

And the thug takes her over to New Jersey in the cab and kills her and rapes her and does all these terrible things to her. And the thug is so stupid, he uses her cell phone, and the cops trace it back to him and they -- and they arrest him and charge him with murder. He had a prostitute girlfriend with him, and she's charged as an accessory to murder. But Jennifer Moore is in the ground. She's dead.

Here's O'Reilly's problem - he thinks he's so brilliant he can just wing it. This sounds like a guy telling a story in a bar. Folksy, everything in the present tense; "So this guy sees a rabbi, a priest, and a boy scout arguing on a corner, right?". And, like the guy in the bar, he embellished the story.

So what O'Reilly wound up doing was suggesting that Moore brought her rape and murder upon herself. Not so brilliant.

It got my attention because it tweaked a memory. It took one hell of a lot of googling, but I finally dug up what particulars I could find online. This is from Madison, WI's community radio station, WORT, and their Insurgent Radio Kiosk:

In Wisconsin's first judicial-recall election, outraged Dane County citizens vote judge Archie Simonson from office. Simonson called rape a normal male reaction to provocative female attire and modern society's permissive attitude toward sex. He was explaining why he sentenced a 15-year-old to just one year of probation for raping a 16-year-old woman. after today's recall election, Simonson will be replaced by Moria Krueger, the first woman judge elected in Dane County history.

Now, doesn't that sound like something Bill would say? He'd throw in a rant about 'radical feminists' (in Bill's world, there are no other kind), but it wouldn't surprise anyone. Thing is, that story's from 1977. That means Bill's about thirty years behind the times.

Not that O'Reilly has anything to worry about - he's not going to catch hell about it the way Archie Simonson did. After all, he's the guy who got away with this:

Well, if I took you down there then I'd want to take a shower with you right away, that would be the first thing I'd do... yeah, we'd check into the room, and we would order up some room service and uh and you'd definitely get two wines into you as quickly as I could get into you I would get 'em into you... maybe intravenously, get those glasses of wine into you...

You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I'd join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda soap up your back... rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water... and um... you know, you'd feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda put my arm -- it's one of those mitts, those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it... and I would put it around front, kinda rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard... 'cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs...

So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda kissing your neck from behind... and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd put it on your pussy but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business....

What I find so bizarre about his phone sex scandal is just how unsexy it is. It's not the falafel bit, it's that he can't turn off his blue collar, straightshooter schtick. I'm not sure whether Andrea Mackris filed suit because she was offended by the sexual harassment or bored by it.

We all know someone like O'Reilly - the guy who just doesn't 'get' women at all. If women don't want the same thing sexually that men do, they're irrational. And this irrationality is what gets women like Jennifer Moore raped and killed.

As he might put it, "A fella can't be expected to keep it in his pants when she's basically parading around in skimpy outfit. If you don't want the business, you don't advertise the goods, right? Am I right? I'm basically right here."

Not that Bill doesn't know what women really want. When Harvard announced it would devote $50 million to "enhance the diversity of the faculty ranks," including "enhancements to the way women pursuing science and engineering are treated," Bill said, "...they're gonna give women shoes, because all women want shoes, and that's where the money's going."

Surprisingly, no Harvard woman was reported as responding, "Get out of my head, Bill - it's like you're reading my mind!"



BenMerc said...

o'reilly...what your mama do to you?

Anonymous said...

A video mash-up of Dr. Phil and Bill O'Reilly: