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Wednesday, April 08, 2009

The Easter Bunny of the Apocalypse

If you Google "Obama homosexual Easter egg," the first result of your query is "Obama to Worship Jesus with Homosexual Child Molesters," from the reliably insane

It's a little Google jitsu trick; if you want get a mainstream piece about LGBT issues, you use the term "gay." If you want to get the lunatic take on it, you use "homosexual," because the religious right contends that homosexuality is a curable disorder. I guess they figure "homosexual" sounds clinical and, if they use it often enough, they'll create the impression that it's a disease. It's not really working, though. But they keep doing it because, as any right wing nut can tell you, if something's not working, it just means you're not doing enough of it -- if tax cuts fail to help the economy, for example, it just means you need more tax cuts. Don't be surprised to see articles about "homosexual Homosexuals who practice homosexuality" in the near future.

What has the right pegging the crazy-meter is the fact that President Obama has invited gay and lesbian parents to participate in the annual White House Easter Egg Roll this weekend. It's almost a sure bet that a man will hold a man's hand, that a lady will hug a lady, at which point western civilization will collapse.

Associated Press:

Gay family

The White House is allocating tickets for the upcoming Easter Egg Roll to gay and lesbian parents as part of the Obama administration's outreach to diverse communities.

Families say the gesture shows that the new Democratic administration values them as equal to other families. And for many, being included in the annual tradition -- dating to 1878 -- renews hope that they will have more support in their quest for equal rights in matters such as marriage and adoption than under the previous administration.


White House officials said that tickets for Monday's Easter Egg Roll event were distributed to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender organizations, but did not specify how many or to which ones. Representatives from Family Equality Council, Human Rights Campaign, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and other groups confirmed they were invited and encouraged to have their members participate.

Clearly, this marks the beginning of the end for the republic.

There doesn't seem to be any sense of proportion on the right; either something is awesome or something is the worst thing that's ever happened. I remember reading a comment somewhere that argued that McCain lost the election because he was the most liberal Republican ever nominated by the party. My response was, "Really? McCain's more liberal than Teddy Roosevelt or Abraham Lincoln? Do you really believe that?"

It was a stupid question. Of course the commenter believed it. Extremists think in polar extremities. He'd probably heard some right wing talk radio BS slinger say it, so it must be true. Everyone knows that having a radio show is pretty much equal to having a doctorate in world history. If Limbaugh or Hannity or your local drive-time moron says it, it can't possibly be anything other than the truth.

It hasn't been the best couple of weeks for the Bible totin' movement conservatives. The Homosexual Menace is on the march, as Iowa, Vermont, and the District of Columbia have fallen under their iron heel. As a result, the Apocalyptic Right has become the Apoplectic Right. The worst thing that ever happened has been followed by the worst thing that ever happened followed by the worst thing that ever happened.

Janet Porter, WorldNetDaily:

The news is bad. The giants are big and they occupy our land because, well, because we elected them. Elections have consequences, and sometimes they're devastating. And, as I've mentioned about prophetic warnings in past articles, sometimes they usher in the judgment of God.

Yet so many are skipping merrily along oblivious of what is now happening on our watch and what it will cost our country, our family and our friends. My advice to those who feel overwhelmed by the nightly news is to look up. Then look around. The way I see it, we have one chance as a nation. One chance as individuals. It is to repent and turn to Jesus Christ, the One who bled on the cross on a Friday we call "good." And rose from the dead three days later.

In her column, Porter includes a poem -- which I won't subject you to -- that demonstrates how pernicious "tolerance" will literally damn you to Hell. She looks at current events and concludes the end is nigh. Then again, the end is always nigh. It was just around the corner last year and the year before that. And it'll be just around the corner the day Janet Porter dies. No matter how often the predicted End of Days fails to come, she'll keep predicting it again and again and again. Learning from the past is for liberal elitists.

And the same for the end of the republic. Gays have gotten married and nothing happened. Nothing. Civilization didn't come to an end, people didn't try to marry their dogs, straight people didn't freak out and become gay. As things to panic over go, marriage equality is among the dumbest. They aren't monsters, they aren't minions of Satan, they aren't -- as Family Research Council's Tony Perkins put it -- "a movement driven by a liberal judicial elite determined to destroy not only the institution of marriage, but democracy as well." Gay couples are just people who want to live happy lives. That's all they are.

And the religious right are just people too. Sadder and crazier than average maybe, but just people nonetheless. For some reason, they don't seem to want to live happy lives. They seem to want to spend their lives looking as if someone just force-fed them a lemon. They aren't angelic, they aren't the Right Hand of God, they aren't the only "real" Americans left. They're just depressingly and willfully ignorant people who aren't going away any time soon.

When the Easter Egg Roll happens on the White House lawn this weekend, the world won't end. An angry Yahweh won't send lightning bolts from the Heavens. It probably won't even rain. It'll just be people with giggling kids in their Easter best, scowled at by people with tiny minds.

I know which group I find more admirable.


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1 comment:

M said...

Your grasp of the religious right and the absurdity of their arguments is as strong as they come.

The Evangelicals in Colorado banished Ted Haggard and his whole family from ever stepping foot in Colorado again. The guy was literally run out of town, no, STATE, shamed and exiled by his church that he'd given most of his crazy-assed life to.

I'm pretty sure they let him back in recently, but on strict conditions and only because he's weak-minded and ignorant and allows them to shame him and hide him away like a malfunctioning robot that needs repair.

I kind of pity the guy. I thought mercy and forgiveness was the God lovers core value base.

The Religious Right in America are like cannibals who discard the meat and feed on the delicacy of an insecure soul.