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Friday, October 01, 2010

Every GOP Senate Candidate a Flatearther

I've decided that exercise is bad for you. Every time you light a candle, it gets shorter. Every time you take a drink of water, the glass gets emptier. Every time you draw off a battery, it's useful life gets shorter. Besides, I'm not the world's biggest fan of exercise, so this works out better for me.

Of course, this requires ignoring decades of research and the established opinion of the medical community. But I don't need some fancy-pants, ivory tower elitist medical degree. Common sense tells me that the more I work out, the worse off I'll be. It's a declaration I feel totally qualified to make: stop exercising everyone, it's killing you. It's all just a big scam to sell gym memberships and Gatorade. I don't care what your doctor might tell you, I'm just relying on good old American horse sense. And isn't that always better? It's certainly easier to understand than this pie-in-the-sky science stuff.

The above is basically the argument offered by global warming deniers. Sure, there are a few actual scientists who don't believe in global warming, but the vast, vast majority accept it. And the majority of people offering opinions contrary to the scientific consensus aren't scientists. So the odds are extremely good that anyone speaking against anthropogenic global warming is basically making my "no exercise" argument -- I'm ignoring decades of research, I'm ignoring the opinions of experts, and I'm going with my gut on this one. Besides, global warming is just as inconvenient for me as Al Gore said it was, so the science must be wrong. End of story.

If you want an example of this, take a look at Wisconsin senatorial candidate Ron Johnson. A wealthy plastics magnate, Johnson is definitely one person that would find dealing with global warming inconvenient. Therefore, it's not real. Forget all those numbers and graphs and facts -- forget even flooding here in Wisconsin -- he totally qualified dismiss the science out of hand.

Associated Press:

Wisconsin U.S. Senate candidate Ron Johnson said Thursday that global warming was an "unproven" science that shouldn't be used to dictate U.S. policies.

The Republican business owner said domestic efforts to reduce global warming would hurt American businesses and send jobs to countries that have fewer restrictions. Johnson said it would be irresponsible to build U.S. policy on the basis of unsubstantiated theories.

"The point is, because we're not certain, because it's not proven, the last thing we should do is penalize our economy," he told The Associated Press during an interview.

"I'm not even sure if, if it were a fact, whether we could do anything about it anyway," he added later.

Speaking of unsubstantiated theories, the Theory of Relativity is just some crackpot theory. Yet Johnson seems to be a big fan of nuclear power. How irresponsible of him. Other than the fact that it's being demonstrated all over the world, we have no proof that nuclear power is a valid concept -- just like global warming. Why is Ron Johnson signing onto this pseudoscientific snake oil? Maybe it's because it doesn't inconvenience him.

Of course, Johnson isn't alone here. After the defeat of Delaware establishment GOP candidate Mike Castle by Tea Party nutjob Christine O'Donnell, there is now officially no Republican senatorial candidate who believes in human-caused global warming. Not one. And that warming is happening at all, anthropogenic or not, seems to be the minority opinion of these groups. And even former climate-realist Republicans like John McCain have flip-flopped on the issue. Accepting reality is now a violation against Tea Party orthodoxy, so if you believe your own lyin' eyes, you're a RINO. The people running for the Senate on behalf of the GOP all believe that science policy should be dictated by lunatics who can't spell.

"The science of global warming is unproven," Johnson insists. "It just is." I guess because he says so. You don't need any counter-argument or alternative explanation, you just declare it so and it is so. Therefore, Ron Johnson is a Satanist puppy-strangler. He just is.

Needless to say, Johnson's opponent Russ Feingold is eager to point out his climate flateartherism. Feingold spokesperson John Kraus told AP that Johnson was "out of touch with reality."

"His belief that he knows better than most of the scientists in the world is dangerous," Kraus said.

And it is. The ability to ignore facts in favor of what you'd rather believe is not a good quality to have in a senator. And it's an ability that every Republican senatorial candidate shares.


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