Vote or be Dicked

Some endorsements mean more than others. For example, I don't know who Jay Leno is voting for and that's probably because I'm just like everyone else -- I don't care. Celebrity endorsements don't mean too much, because anyone who looks to celebrities for guidance is probably not going to vote. Other endorsements may help a little, because it bumps the candidate up in the news rotation. The more a candidate is mentioned in a positive light, the better.

But some endorsements can't possibly be seen positively. For example, John McCain scored the less than coveted al Qaeda endorsement. Turns out that having the US dumping money and blood down the drain in Iraq is pretty much exactly what the terrorists want. "Al-Qaeda will have to support McCain in the coming election," reads an internet posting from the organization. "[We] will push the Americans deliberately to vote for McCain so that he takes revenge for them against al-Qaeda. Al-Qaeda then will succeed in exhausting America."

But it seems that Americans are done with giving a damn what terrorists want. Good on us. They're freakin' insane. We should've stopped making decisions based on what crazy people want or don't want a long time ago. Al Qaeda's endorsement probably didn't do much to change anyone's mind. In fact, most media sources reported it as a "News of the Weird" piece, if at all. It wasn't the sort of thing that anyone really took seriously.





But another endorsement may be the final nail in McCain's electoral coffin. Yesterday, a certain Vice President made this statement:

I believe the right leader for this moment in history is Sen. John McCain. John is a man who understands the danger facing America. He's a man who has looked into the face of evil and not flinched.

Mr. Helpful also had nice things to say about Sarah Palin, saying McCain had "chosen a running mate with executive talent, toughness and common sense, our next vice president, Sarah Palin." The McCain campaign will not be sending a thank you note to Dick Cheney's office. In fact, this endorsement -- and its timing -- are widely seen as so damaging that many are openly wondering why Cheney hates McCain. There's no law that says the Vice President can't just shut the hell up, not endorse anyone, and hope everyone forgets about him.

Oddly -- but not surprisingly -- Cheney's endorsement is getting a bigger negative reaction than al Qaeda's. And Obama was quick to jump on it:

That endorsement didn’t come easy. Senator McCain had to vote with George Bush 90 percent of the time and agree with Dick Cheney to get it.

George Bush may be in an undisclosed location now, but Dick Cheney’s out there on the campaign trail because he’d be delighted to pass the baton to John McCain.

He knows that with John McCain you get a twofer: George Bush’s economic policy and Dick Cheney’s foreign policy – and that is a risk that the American people cannot afford to take.

Obama said that McCain deserved Cheney's endorsement, because he "really earned it." Ouch.

Dick's the heart of the neocon wing of the White House. Dick's the dark stain that will color our national self-perception for decades. The head liar, the chief crook, the author of torture, the despiser of law, the tapper of phones. Dick Cheney is everything that brought the GOP to this point in history, reviled and discredited, ruined and wrong.

Does Dick Cheney want McCain to lose? I doubt it. He doesn't really strike me as a big fan of hope and optimism, so Obama's not his guy. But, at this point, it's pretty clear McCain's screwed regardless, so Cheney couldn't resist the sadistic impulse to sucker punch Bush's old rival just one last time, in public, while he's already down. Of Obama and McCain, there really shouldn't be any doubt who he would've preferred, but America's Blofeld doesn't allow failure, so McCain must be thrown into the shark tank.

But McCain isn't without hope himself. And that hope is that you think this thing's in the bag, stay home, and don't vote. Whatever motive Cheney had for endorsing McCain, we can safely assume that he wanted him to win. After all, Bush endorsed him as soon as he was the presumptive nominee.

So let's look at some of John McCain's endorsements; George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and al Qaeda. If that doesn't get you up off your ass before the polls close Tuesday, nothing will.

-Wisco